Using The “I Statement” To Reframe
You are the landlord or property manager, and your tenant, colleague, staff, family member or anyone else makes the following statements. Reframe these to be neutral and negotiable. Use the formula adapted from “I” statements, that is, you feel ……..when …….. because ………
Example: She always copies off my paper. I had to take the law into my own hands.
Coach: What I hear you saying is that you felt upset when she copied off your paper because it has happened a number of times.
- There is no way I am going to give her more time to pay this bill. She has never paid when she said she would and she never will.
What I hear is you want her to pay on a timely basis in order to resolve the issue.
- This tenant plays his music turned up all the way at all hours of the night as if he was the only one to live in this building. Is it too much to ask him to have some respect? What I hear is that you want this tenant to keep his music down late at night in order to maintain peace and quiet for the other tenants in the building.
- He gives me weird looks. He bugs me. I don’t trust him. I don’t know why he is always following me. What I hear is that you don’t want him to look at you in ways that seem unusual, and you don’t want him to follow you.
- She is such a slob. They (her ethnic group) are all like that. Of course I’m never going to clean up the messes she makes. What I hear is that you want her to make sure she cleans up after using the _________________
- Well what would you do (spoken to the property manager) if someone was always whispering when you came into the room and then always looked to see where you were sitting at lunch and found another table and would then avoid looking at you in the office? What I hear is that you want her to approach you directly when she wants to talk with you and to treat you in a professional manner as she would like others to treat her.