My roof has sprung a leak.
Don’t you ’member I told you about it
Way last week?
These steps is broken down.
When you come up yourself
It’s a wonder you don’t fall down.
Ten Bucks you say I owe you?
Ten Bucks you say is due?
Well, that’s Ten Bucks more’n I’ll pay you
Till you fix this house up new.
What? You gonna get eviction orders?
You gonna cut off my heat?
You gonna take my furniture and
Throw it in the street?
Um-huh! You talking high and mighty.
Talk on ⎯ till you get through.
You ain’t gonna be able to say a word
If I land my fist on you.
Come and get this man!
He’s trying to ruin the government
And overturn the land!
Headlines in press:
MAN THREATENS LANDLORD
TENANT HELD NO BAIL
JUDGE GIVES NEGRO 90 DAYS IN COUNTY JAIL!
Of all the people in the world, who’s more detested than the landlord? After all, he raises rent whenever he pleases, he ignores tenant complaints, he keeps at least one cockroach colony in every rental dwelling, he loves the fresh air which broken windows provide, he welcomes rodents of all kinds to make their nests in his rental properties, he takes no pity on tenants who suffer misfortunes, he drives unfortunates from their homes, he sneers when others laugh, he laughs when others sneer, he dallies with divorcees, he drives an ostentatious Cadillac car, he runs over stray dogs and cats and blames them for not running fast enough to get out of his way, he wears a big black cape, and he smokes smelly cigars. And if that landlord happens to be a landlady — well, then, everybody knows what she’s like! She’s got a schnoz longer than Pinocchio’s, larger than a wicked witch’s, and she puts it into every tenant’s business. Her ears rival Dumbo’s, and they’re ever on the alert to learn the latest gossip. She’s privy to Big Brother’s personal findings on everyone, and she blabs them everywhere. She’s devised ways to pinch her pennies that Scrooge never dreamed of, and while there may not be snakes growing in her hair, big pink rollers sure do.
—Leigh Robinson, Landlording